Like many suburban singles all over the nation, I live with my parents. The area that I live in is fairly expense to move into, considering my Student Loan Payments, Credit Card bills, Car Loan, Insurance, Cell Phone Bill, etc. Not to say I'm mooching off my parents. I try to kick in where ever I can and pay rent (granted a lot less than if I lived in an apartment).
But honestly, living with your parents really takes a hit on your dating life. There's this weird added pressure of bringing anyone home since it kinda forces you into a "meet my parents" place when neither of you are at that point. Even if its just to pick you up to go on a date. Not to mention any other romantic interludes you were hoping for.
I'm not one to complain needlessly, so I decided to put on my big girl pants and start apartment hunting with my friend, M. We get along really well and are in similar situations. We talked it out and decided that it would be a good decision for us.
I like to prepare, so when we made the decision to look a while ago, I have been trying to save money. I've pretty much cut off all non-necessary spending so I have a comfortable safety net post move. In the meantime, this really effects my dating life. In NYC or other cities, there are a million places where you can hang out for little or no money. You don't even have to drive if you have a bike or know places that you can walk to.
In the 'burbs, you have to plan a little more. Not only that, no matter where you go, you have to drive. Its not the 90's anymore and as everyone knows that gas is expensive. I'm trying to do my best, but its really difficult. Mostly, I've been staying home to resist the temptation of going out.
This has done absolutely nothing to help my single life. I would online date, but I don't want to register for a paid site like Match or eHarmony, cause that costs moo-la. And the people on free sites are kinda creepy, not to mention that they live farther away.
Anyway, I'm hoping once I move out, my dating life will pick up a little. Its a lot easier to introduce some one to your roommate than your parents.
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Curses of Dating in Bars You Frequent
Here's the thing about dating in smaller towns, your pool is fairly limited. Here's a story about a young girl (me) and a young boy.
The summer was winding down, so my friends and I decided to frequent the local hangout over traveling to the City to be outside in the cold.
This idea seems to be in everyone's mind because I find myself seeing the same group of people over and over again. One day, a young man decides to introduce himself. We hit it off and decide to do something casual for a little while. And when that time ends, for whatever reason, I think to myself that I'll never have to see him again.
That is until I realized that we met at a bar where we both frequent.
Determined to never become that crazy-girl, I resolved to be cool and casual the next time we met.
Years (seriously 2 or 3) go by, and I frequent that particular establishment less and less. Not to avoid the boy, but honestly the place got kinda crowded. However, one of my friends decided to have his birthday celebration there. So I dress up and decidedly looked cute. And who should enter the establishment but the young man (whose name I had all but forgotten at that moment).
I don't know if it was through mutual awkwardness that we decided not to talk, or if we had both forgotten eachothers name. I did catch him staring at me once or twice, but decided to let it lie. I wasn't about to ruin my evening faking a conversation with someone I could barely remember until that point.
The summer was winding down, so my friends and I decided to frequent the local hangout over traveling to the City to be outside in the cold.
This idea seems to be in everyone's mind because I find myself seeing the same group of people over and over again. One day, a young man decides to introduce himself. We hit it off and decide to do something casual for a little while. And when that time ends, for whatever reason, I think to myself that I'll never have to see him again.
That is until I realized that we met at a bar where we both frequent.
Determined to never become that crazy-girl, I resolved to be cool and casual the next time we met.
Years (seriously 2 or 3) go by, and I frequent that particular establishment less and less. Not to avoid the boy, but honestly the place got kinda crowded. However, one of my friends decided to have his birthday celebration there. So I dress up and decidedly looked cute. And who should enter the establishment but the young man (whose name I had all but forgotten at that moment).
I don't know if it was through mutual awkwardness that we decided not to talk, or if we had both forgotten eachothers name. I did catch him staring at me once or twice, but decided to let it lie. I wasn't about to ruin my evening faking a conversation with someone I could barely remember until that point.
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Swinging in the 'Burbs
Today, I was contact by a guy, J, I dated about three years ago. To be frank, he annoyed me greatly, so we didn't date very long. However, from time to time, he'll message me and we'll have a brief conversation. Usually he just is trying to figure out a way to sleep with me, regardless of his dating status.
I hadn't heard from him since the beginning of the year, so when I saw the message pop up on the screen, I cordially responded to him, hoping to keep the conversation brief and light. We went through the usual pleasantries and eventually he probed about my current dating status. I told a little white lie and said that I was casually seeing someone. J told me that he was in a serious relationship and that swingers were in a really casual relationship. He then proceeded to tell me that he and his gf were on the looking for other partners, either single ladies or couples. I'm wasn't and am still not sure if this was an offer to join him and his girlfriend, but quite frankly, I wouldn't be suprised.
He told me that there is a regular swinger get together in my area. Who knew? He then proceeded to invite me to an event. I told him no. When he asked why, I told him that "my man" was enough right now. He said it wasn't about satisfation, but about curiosity. I honestly had no response for that.
After a brief chat about the weather, J mentioned he had a project to finish and he signed off.
Please note, I have absolutely no problem with swingers. What you choose to do in the bedroom is your own business.
Actually, if J didn't annoy me so much in person, I may have considered it just to see what a swinger party was actually like.
If you're wondering why I still talk to J, I couldn't answer you completely. But I can tell you that I don't like to completely sever ties with people. You never really know when a connection might help you in the long run.
I hadn't heard from him since the beginning of the year, so when I saw the message pop up on the screen, I cordially responded to him, hoping to keep the conversation brief and light. We went through the usual pleasantries and eventually he probed about my current dating status. I told a little white lie and said that I was casually seeing someone. J told me that he was in a serious relationship and that swingers were in a really casual relationship. He then proceeded to tell me that he and his gf were on the looking for other partners, either single ladies or couples. I'm wasn't and am still not sure if this was an offer to join him and his girlfriend, but quite frankly, I wouldn't be suprised.
He told me that there is a regular swinger get together in my area. Who knew? He then proceeded to invite me to an event. I told him no. When he asked why, I told him that "my man" was enough right now. He said it wasn't about satisfation, but about curiosity. I honestly had no response for that.
After a brief chat about the weather, J mentioned he had a project to finish and he signed off.
Please note, I have absolutely no problem with swingers. What you choose to do in the bedroom is your own business.
Actually, if J didn't annoy me so much in person, I may have considered it just to see what a swinger party was actually like.
If you're wondering why I still talk to J, I couldn't answer you completely. But I can tell you that I don't like to completely sever ties with people. You never really know when a connection might help you in the long run.
Monday, August 8, 2011
The Dart Tounge
This weekend, I went out to with a friend, M, who was in need of a well deserved study break from his grad classes. I took a little extra time getting ready and like to think that I did a fairly good job. I wore a shirt with a more plunging neckline then I usually do, but it was a celebration, so why not. All in all, I thought I looked pretty good.
We ended up at this bar in NYC. It was a pretty decent place, low cover for men, none for ladies (bonus) and a fairly good DJ. I'm told the drinks were good, but I was driving, so I didn'tchoose not to partake.
M loves to dance. As soon as we got the the bar, around 10:30 pm or so, we all hit the floor and danced like no one was watching. The first hour or so was uneventful, but soon I was tapped by a guy who wanted to dance with me. I'm on the tall side, about 5'8", and this guy was about as tall as my shoulders. I wasn't even wearing heels. But I figured it's not only rare for a guy to dance, but he took a shot by asking me. We dance for a bit and we went to a nerby table to "talk". I say "talk" since the music was really loud and it was hard to have an actual conversation without every other word being "What?"
We make a decent attempt at talking and during a lull in the conversation he leans in a kissed me. Now this wasn't a quick peck on the lips, this was a full on mouth-prying, tounge kiss. While I can usually appreciate a little aggresiveness in men, the first kiss is the general exception to this. The first round of kissing should be lead by the woman. Let her decide how far she wants to take it, if at all.
A great movie, Hitch, had it right on the nose. First kisses should abide the 90-10 rule, meaning you go 90% of the way and wait for the opposite party to come the rest. Don't go the full 100!
So, I'm in this awkward kiss with his hands around my head, and next thing I know, his tounge is darting its way into my mouth. Not the dreaded dart tounge, I thought to myself. Who lets men think that this is enjoyable? I have never met a girl who thinks that this is enjoyable, yet I find myself in the dreaded predicament more often then not. Men: If your not getting a call back, this may be the answer. You are a person not a snake, so stop acting like one. Ladies: If your allowing this, please stop. You're only making things worse for the rest of us.
Another strike against him was the taste of cigarettes. Yet another reason to let the girl take the lead on this one. To non-smokers like myself, this is a disgusting taste to leave in your mouth. This left me pushing myself off the guy and searching for the mints I had in my purse.
Unfortunately, he didn't take the hint and kept trying to kiss me all night. If M wasn't dancing with his friend, I probably would have left sooner. But I didn't want to ruin M's game, so I took one for the team. We danced a little more and my choice in plunging neckline backfired on me when I had to dig the guy out of my cleavage, not once, not twice, but three times.
Tragically, we had exchange numbers prior to the kiss-ault. My phone may or may not have imploded from all the texts from the following day.
We ended up at this bar in NYC. It was a pretty decent place, low cover for men, none for ladies (bonus) and a fairly good DJ. I'm told the drinks were good, but I was driving, so I didn'tchoose not to partake.
M loves to dance. As soon as we got the the bar, around 10:30 pm or so, we all hit the floor and danced like no one was watching. The first hour or so was uneventful, but soon I was tapped by a guy who wanted to dance with me. I'm on the tall side, about 5'8", and this guy was about as tall as my shoulders. I wasn't even wearing heels. But I figured it's not only rare for a guy to dance, but he took a shot by asking me. We dance for a bit and we went to a nerby table to "talk". I say "talk" since the music was really loud and it was hard to have an actual conversation without every other word being "What?"
We make a decent attempt at talking and during a lull in the conversation he leans in a kissed me. Now this wasn't a quick peck on the lips, this was a full on mouth-prying, tounge kiss. While I can usually appreciate a little aggresiveness in men, the first kiss is the general exception to this. The first round of kissing should be lead by the woman. Let her decide how far she wants to take it, if at all.
A great movie, Hitch, had it right on the nose. First kisses should abide the 90-10 rule, meaning you go 90% of the way and wait for the opposite party to come the rest. Don't go the full 100!
So, I'm in this awkward kiss with his hands around my head, and next thing I know, his tounge is darting its way into my mouth. Not the dreaded dart tounge, I thought to myself. Who lets men think that this is enjoyable? I have never met a girl who thinks that this is enjoyable, yet I find myself in the dreaded predicament more often then not. Men: If your not getting a call back, this may be the answer. You are a person not a snake, so stop acting like one. Ladies: If your allowing this, please stop. You're only making things worse for the rest of us.
Another strike against him was the taste of cigarettes. Yet another reason to let the girl take the lead on this one. To non-smokers like myself, this is a disgusting taste to leave in your mouth. This left me pushing myself off the guy and searching for the mints I had in my purse.
Unfortunately, he didn't take the hint and kept trying to kiss me all night. If M wasn't dancing with his friend, I probably would have left sooner. But I didn't want to ruin M's game, so I took one for the team. We danced a little more and my choice in plunging neckline backfired on me when I had to dig the guy out of my cleavage, not once, not twice, but three times.
Tragically, we had exchange numbers prior to the kiss-ault. My phone may or may not have imploded from all the texts from the following day.
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Niceness = Flirting?
For the record, I don't think I'm good at flirting. Quite frankly, I think I'm really bad at it.
That being said, there must be something in my mannerisms that makes people think I'm more interested in them than I actually am. It's not physical as I'm not really a touchy person. And I don't play with my hair or do any other flirty indicators in normal conversation.
I'm left to conclude that me being a nice person make guys think that I'm soo into them. Can't a guy and a girl have a normal conversation without some sort of pretext?
I was at a pub once where Guy A told me to hit Guy B. When I asked why, he wouldn't tell me, so I kissed Guy B on the cheek. Guy A thought this was funny so he struck up a conversation with me. We talked about me being fairly passivist, but mostly I was thinking of a way I could end the conversation. When I "heard" one of my friends calling me, he continued to follow me and ask me for my number. After a bunch of "I'm sorry, but no"'s, I flat out told him I wasn't interested.
Do guys feel that if a girl takes time to talk to you, she must be interested? Can't I just be bored and am looking for some way to entertain myself?
It's not just men, either. I met some friends of friends, let call them Ross and Rachel. We chatted for a while and went about our evening. Later, I find out that Rachel didn't like me because she thought I was flirting with Ross, who in truth, I thought was arrogant and annoying. They later broke up and Rachel and I hang out sometimes. She still gets jealous if I stand too close to the guy that she now likes, but at least I'm prepared.
That being said, there must be something in my mannerisms that makes people think I'm more interested in them than I actually am. It's not physical as I'm not really a touchy person. And I don't play with my hair or do any other flirty indicators in normal conversation.
I'm left to conclude that me being a nice person make guys think that I'm soo into them. Can't a guy and a girl have a normal conversation without some sort of pretext?
I was at a pub once where Guy A told me to hit Guy B. When I asked why, he wouldn't tell me, so I kissed Guy B on the cheek. Guy A thought this was funny so he struck up a conversation with me. We talked about me being fairly passivist, but mostly I was thinking of a way I could end the conversation. When I "heard" one of my friends calling me, he continued to follow me and ask me for my number. After a bunch of "I'm sorry, but no"'s, I flat out told him I wasn't interested.
Do guys feel that if a girl takes time to talk to you, she must be interested? Can't I just be bored and am looking for some way to entertain myself?
It's not just men, either. I met some friends of friends, let call them Ross and Rachel. We chatted for a while and went about our evening. Later, I find out that Rachel didn't like me because she thought I was flirting with Ross, who in truth, I thought was arrogant and annoying. They later broke up and Rachel and I hang out sometimes. She still gets jealous if I stand too close to the guy that she now likes, but at least I'm prepared.
Monday, August 1, 2011
The beginning
I've never really considered myself a "pretty" girl. Not to say that I have low self esteem, but I know I'm not a 9 or a 10.
Also, I'm pretty shy. Most of my close friends may not believe me, but around unfamiliar people, I feel distant and award. I do my best to shake this off, but its not something I can always manage.
That being said, during my years of being single, I've had some pretty unbelievable things happen to me. Sometimes, it feels like I'm making it up.
What kind of things, you ask? On a recent outing, I had the distinct displeasure of having a random stranger lick my neck while we were dancing at a bar. How does this happen?
Imagine the following scene, if you will: You catch a strangers eye across a crowded dance floor on a hot summer's night. He comes up next to you and begins to dance with you. After some failed attempts at twirling you, he positions himself behind you, grabbing your waist as you both sway to the beats. Suddenly, you feel a bit of pressure on the back our your head, thinking that the man must have been tired. Next thing you know, his tounge is gliding its way up your neck! No names exchanged, no other pleasantries entertained; just a stranger's tounge making contact with your sweat beaded neck. Thankfully, you manage to make eye contact with one of your friends, so you both proceed to the bathroom so you can scrub the affected area with soap and water.
I wish I could say that this situation was unique, but unfortunately, it is not. Don't get me wrong, I do appreciate the attention, but I would far more appreciate a fairly normal interaction. I've had gas station attendants hit on me while my younger cousin was in the car, someone feel up my chest or expose themselves to me, men who could be my father talking about taking me home, or tell me all the ways they would like to dominate me.
When I go out, I'm usually with my friends who save me from these guys, but there has been occassions where I've had to have a bouncer walk me to my car (always nice guys). Yet, everytime this happens I'm shocked. I see plenty of other more attractive single ladies near me, even friends in my own group, yet it seems like they narrow in on me.
But this morning, I had a slight epiphany. Maybe its because I'm not a 9 or 10 or even an 8 these things happen to me. Perhaps these guys are guys are looking for something easy, figuring that I would be overly greatful for the attention. But in what world do these things actually work.
Instead, these events become amusing tales for the evergrowing population of married friends that I have. So why not let the internet in on the hilarity?
Also, I'm pretty shy. Most of my close friends may not believe me, but around unfamiliar people, I feel distant and award. I do my best to shake this off, but its not something I can always manage.
That being said, during my years of being single, I've had some pretty unbelievable things happen to me. Sometimes, it feels like I'm making it up.
What kind of things, you ask? On a recent outing, I had the distinct displeasure of having a random stranger lick my neck while we were dancing at a bar. How does this happen?
Imagine the following scene, if you will: You catch a strangers eye across a crowded dance floor on a hot summer's night. He comes up next to you and begins to dance with you. After some failed attempts at twirling you, he positions himself behind you, grabbing your waist as you both sway to the beats. Suddenly, you feel a bit of pressure on the back our your head, thinking that the man must have been tired. Next thing you know, his tounge is gliding its way up your neck! No names exchanged, no other pleasantries entertained; just a stranger's tounge making contact with your sweat beaded neck. Thankfully, you manage to make eye contact with one of your friends, so you both proceed to the bathroom so you can scrub the affected area with soap and water.
I wish I could say that this situation was unique, but unfortunately, it is not. Don't get me wrong, I do appreciate the attention, but I would far more appreciate a fairly normal interaction. I've had gas station attendants hit on me while my younger cousin was in the car, someone feel up my chest or expose themselves to me, men who could be my father talking about taking me home, or tell me all the ways they would like to dominate me.
When I go out, I'm usually with my friends who save me from these guys, but there has been occassions where I've had to have a bouncer walk me to my car (always nice guys). Yet, everytime this happens I'm shocked. I see plenty of other more attractive single ladies near me, even friends in my own group, yet it seems like they narrow in on me.
But this morning, I had a slight epiphany. Maybe its because I'm not a 9 or 10 or even an 8 these things happen to me. Perhaps these guys are guys are looking for something easy, figuring that I would be overly greatful for the attention. But in what world do these things actually work.
Instead, these events become amusing tales for the evergrowing population of married friends that I have. So why not let the internet in on the hilarity?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)